My First Night Homeless
Published January 05, 2009 @ 06:55PM PT
There are first times for everything. The first time I drove a car, first time I broke my leg, first time I ate sushi, the first time I went to work, the first time I was fired, and I'll never forget my first kiss. 'Firsts' are memorable parts of life and growing up.
Well, the same goes for that first night spent on the streets or in a homeless shelter. The first time you're homeless, the intense feelings of fear and uncertainty are impossible to forget.
I recently started working for a seasonal homeless shelter in Glendale, California. My job is to monitor a bus pickup five nights a week. On New Year's Day, a girl in her early 30s showed up and it was clear that it was her first night homeless. She looked so alone and scared. She told me she lost her job a few months back and was living with friends, bouncing from couch to couch, until all welcomes had run out. She called 2-1-1 (a phone number for social services) and the operator told her about the winter emergency shelter.
If you've never been homeless, it's tough to describe that first night sleeping on the street. The fear and disillusionment is almost paralyzing. You just go through the motions, but at the same time you're beating yourself up for being in this situation. It is very surreal because no one ever thinks they will become homeless. No one.
I'll never forget my first night. All of a sudden and without warning I found myself homeless in Koreatown near downtown Los Angeles. I was sober, but I had no money, no place to go, and no one I could call for help. I was officially homeless.
This was all new to me. I had no homeless training. I had no clue how I was going to survive. Just six months earlier I had a good-paying job in the television industry, overseeing syndicated programs like Wheel of Fortune. But now, I was the one who had suddenly landed on bankrupt. The irony was painful.
I decided to walk from Koreatown to North Hollywood mainly because I knew the neighborhood and was comfortable with the area. I walked 11 or so miles to the valley. By the time I arrived it was beginning to get dark so I started to think about where I was going to sleep. I decided to try a park close to my old house where I used to play my conga drum on hot summer days. But when I arrived, I noticed gang members hanging around in the dark, so I moved on to another location.
I continued walking to park after park. I just did not feel safe in any of them. My feet were becoming swollen, I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I knew that the worst crimes in the city- muggings, beatings, shootings- happened at night to people living outdoors. I knew that when you sleep outside, you are vulnerable to just about everything. I was scared. Probably more scared then I have been or ever will be.
I think it was around 3am when I finally found a park near a small shopping mall in North Hollywood. It was empty, and the first place where I felt safe enough to lay down. Exhaustion quickly set in and I closed my eyes. I don't remember how much time passed- maybe 20 minutes- then suddenly, all the water sprinklers went off. I just laid there in disbelieve, soaking. It's impossible to describe the mixture of fear, anger, vulnerability and, well, homelessness I felt as I lay there.
Today, it's easier for me to laugh at that bit of misfortune with sprinklers. But the deep memories of pain and loneliness from that night will always be with me.
Those of us who work in homeless services can usually spot someone fresh to the streets. It's usually not their clothes or hygiene, but rather the look of fear and confusion on their face. The young girl who showed up at the winter shelter on New Years Day was scared. Luckily, there was a new female volunteer working that night. When I left the shelter, I noticed both of them sitting on the homeless girl's cot talking.
I wish I knew how her story ended, but as of last night the girl has not returned to the shelter.
Sadly, thousands of people experience their first night homelessness each year. No matter what circumstances led to their homelessness- eviction, foreclosure, unemployment, addiction, mental illness, domestic violence- being homeless for that first night is painful. Now imagine a personal crisis has hit, and you no longer have access to money or a place to stay. It is now your first night homeless. What would you do?
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Comments (58)
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Author
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Sixteen years ago, Mark Horvath was homeless on the streets of Hollywood. Today, he works in marketing/communications and is an activist for the homeless. He vlogs at invisiblepeople.tv and blogs at hardlynormal.com.
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thats thought provoking. it's very hard to put yourself in that situation because, like you said, you can never imagine yourself homeless. but when it comes down to it, these days it could happen to anyone. This puts it in perspective why the end of homlessness in America needs to be put as a priority. It is a prevelent problem, but no one (most people) wants to put forth an effort until it is themselves that need the help.
Posted by Blair Naples on 01/05/2009 @ 07:09PM PT
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That must be really scary. I never really thought of it I guess. I would love to volunteer at soup kitchens and stuff. I'll have to ask my mom if she'd like to.
Posted by M N on 01/05/2009 @ 07:12PM PT
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I like this. Described very well.
I remember my first night homeless, I'll never forget it.
Posted by Kelly Tudor on 01/05/2009 @ 07:33PM PT
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This is a moving story, Mark. Thank you so much for telling it.
Among other things, it illustrates just how important compassionate volunteers can be for a person experiencing homelessness for the first time.
Posted by Shannon Moriarty on 01/05/2009 @ 08:00PM PT
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Wow. Well put in a very vivid sense.
Posted by D O on 01/05/2009 @ 08:28PM PT
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Wow, I honestly have no idea what I would do in that situation. But no one does know untill it happens.
You're right, it's not something anyone plans or imagines.
I have always thought it's important to help other people out in their time of need, but I believe it more so now.
This story really does put things into perspective. I'm glad you shared it.
-Connor
Posted by Connor D. on 01/05/2009 @ 09:18PM PT
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Good story. I want to make a couple of points. First, homelessness is going to go from bad to worse. The ecnonmy is in the toilet and people are losing there homes and jobs. WE ARE IN A DEPRESSION What does that mean?It means that we have to begin puting together a safety net for people. In other words. we r going to need more shelters, meal programs, housing assisitance, etc. etc. Lets talk. I got one organization going right now. Check me out at www.positivelinks.com/DennisLevy
Posted by dennis levy on 01/05/2009 @ 09:29PM PT
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Mark - thanks for this post and your perspective. I am a homeless shelter director and try extra hard to extend myself to those who are newly homeless. I get the calls during the day and can hear it in their voice. This is especially hard for families and we're seeing more and more who are homeless for the first time. Many blessings,Jayne
Posted by Jayne S. on 01/05/2009 @ 09:45PM PT
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Wonderful, Mark. Thank you for the grounding effect that only lived experience with homelessness can offer. Yours is a necessary perspective.
Posted by Noah Jennings on 01/05/2009 @ 10:01PM PT
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Truly wonderful writing Mark. It takes me back to my first day homeless, and the fear I felt. I had no idea what I was doing, or how I would survive.
Posted by Ismael Rodriguez on 01/05/2009 @ 10:33PM PT
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Mark - you have been to the top and you have been to the bottom and each experience has made you the amazing man you are today. Thank you for sharing your story and the heart of God to reach out to those who are scared, lonely, rejected and in need of someone who won't judge them, but give them hope to believe in themselves and in the future God has for them. Your life has changed mine - thank you.
Posted by Kristi Sawyer on 01/05/2009 @ 11:51PM PT
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I don't know what I would do. My brother is in jail right now, when he gets out he will nowhere to go. It scares me
Posted by Ernesto Torres on 01/06/2009 @ 01:22AM PT
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This is very interesting to me, i always think about homelessness everywhere i go. I see people and i wonder how on earth they feel inside. Please tell more...
Posted by Elvia Knoll on 01/06/2009 @ 08:06AM PT
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We need innovative solutions to fight homelessness. The NIMBY syndrome is a huge enemy of affordable housing. We need the equivalent of small, secure, containerized dwellings that are owned by their residents. Perhaps we could apportion urban space vertically, and create mass -produced foldable dwellings in which the electric and gas, network and CTV connections are all modlular and prewired. They could be brought to the buildings site (which would look like those modern parking garages that stack cars) and could be unfolded and inserted into locking bolts.
This would avoid the problem of toxic moldy substandard housing. It also would avoid the pod hotel look.
Residents could own their homes, not spend huge amounts of money paying the mortgages off for absentee landlords.
Posted by Live Simply on 01/06/2009 @ 08:22AM PT
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I have recently met up with a man who is starting a non profit for people on the streets with a strong will to help themselves get off the streets. we are currently based out of Phoenix and are looking for donations to build a house and help these people confront the things they ran from and deal with the things that lead them to the streets. Watch the video we shot in Phoenix.
http://vimeo.com/2653487
The first interview with a man named Ken, is a success story of how we can help these unfortunate people, by simply reaching out to them. My friend Tony and I just showed a lot of love and kindness to Ken and he responded by making the decision to help himself. He is now mending the hurtful relationship with his parents, is now drug-free and working as a taxi driver here in Phoenix. We will have a website up shortly.
If anyone has any contacts they can refer us to or would like to help out please email me @ naichec@americanextremerescue.com
Thank you and God bless!!
Posted by naiche chavira on 01/06/2009 @ 11:06AM PT
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Thank you, Mark, for putting into eloquent words the fear so many are going through.
Posted by Joe Sindorf on 01/06/2009 @ 12:38PM PT
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my mom and i went through a similar situation when i was younger. i dont remember it much and have done my best to block it out. i think that there is so much we can do for people who are in this situation and i myself strive to do as much as i can.
Posted by Erin Buchanan on 01/06/2009 @ 07:51PM PT
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Thanks for being real, honest and vulnerable about what you went through. I learn something each time I read your work, hear you speak or just hang with you in person. God be with you, Bro.
Posted by Jena Iwata on 01/08/2009 @ 08:24PM PT
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You say that no one ever thinks THEY will end up homeless, but you know beforehand that its coming. For me, the dread was worse than the actuality. However, I had the benefit of "basic training", of sorts; I was dating a man who'd been homeless all of his adult life. He taught me all the ins and outs of where to make a safe camp, how to stash gear, and how to feed oneself. I made out ok until we broke up. The first night I actually had to spend in a shelter was indescribably bad, and it never got better. I finally left to stay on Cleveland's worst streets rather than spend another night there...
Posted by Kathryn Schakel on 01/09/2009 @ 06:29AM PT
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Powerful post!
Another perspective worth mentioning is from that of a parent who has had to turn their child out - knowing they will be homeless. THis happened to me and my husband. Our precious only child whom we adore more than anything is a chronic drug addict. He has been in 5 treatment centers and is now incarcerated. Last summer, I finally had to close the door and say he wasn't allowed to come in to our home. He cried on the front porch and begged to at least have a shower. It was the hardest day of my life and believe me his addiction has delivered many hard days. I remember curling up in bed and sobbing for hours. I remember driving around some of his old hang outs just to see if I could get a glimpse of him to know he was alive.
Thank you for sharing your experience. No one can understand what it is like unless they have been through such a crisis. I was actually surprised at how many services were available to my son during this period. He had to learn how to navigate through the system to take advantage of these resources. Now with the economic problems we are all facing, we will likely see many of these important services cut. More volunteers will be needed. Raising awareness to this epedemic will help. Many thanks and best wishes.
Posted by Lisa Giffin on 01/09/2009 @ 08:07AM PT
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When you live hand to mouth, especially in this economy, you realize that living on the street is not such an impossibility. I worry about it all the time.
I don't use drugs. I'm not a drunk. I work full time and pay my bills. But one little stroke of bad luck and that's where I could end up.
Thank you for telling this story. And for the stories of all who commented.
Keep telling these stories to all who will listen.
Posted by Kim C on 01/09/2009 @ 10:26AM PT
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Mark i just "stumbled" across this page, it brought back memories of when i was homeless, the first night i slept in a public toilet in a park, here in the UK, and as you say i was scared, ok i am a big bloke but i was SCARED ! i moved on to the coast it was spring time, so the weather was ok, i found sleeping on the beach was the safest place to be, the worst thing is the awfull feeling of being so very alone in the world, my downfall... so many things i drank a lot in those days and worked as a psychiatric nurse, i think perhaps the job got to me, i just wanted a way out of life, i tried an overdose, only to find that left me even more alone and desperate, but that was a long time a go now, now i have a wonderfull wife and three great kids, a house that is mine so sometimes i forget the bad days, till i read something like your post on here, thanks for sharing your story, kind regards Michael.
Posted by Michael Hart on 01/09/2009 @ 04:00PM PT
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My first time homeless was shortly after witnessing my mother's handgun suicide. My first Homeless March on Washington was 1989.
At the National Coalition for the Homeless conference in 2000, I read the list of Homeless Folks who had died in NH while Homeless, except for one state legislator, who got re-elected while homeless, got housed, and succumbed to cancer. It seemed fitting to include her. I got choked up while I was reading the names, because I knew a fair number of them.
This time, I'm living in a tent. I remember one of the National Coalition's Board members who said "Homelessness is a Health Care Issue." I concurred with him, ten years ago. Finland and Canada set national policies to end homelessness in their countries, back then. I don't know how many more nations have done so, since.
Posted by Bob Olcott on 01/09/2009 @ 04:01PM PT
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This is quite thought provoking and I recall comming back to montana from overseas with a head injury from a motorcycle wreak which occured in Thailand.. I was homeless in Bangkok with no money and nowhere to go after I got out of the hospital.
Made it back to Montana sort of fading in and out very confused....
Most thought i was nuts or something....so i lived outside for the better part of 2 years..Winters can get 20 below... Got frostbite...
That was 12 years ago and I now just barely survive month to month in a subsidized apartment thanks to disability which took 4 years to get.....
Kept ending up in the emergency room all beaten up.... I have the Xrays.... cracked my skull once, and i already had a head injury.
Head injury makes one rather spacy and there fear is there but unreal somehow...sort of helped. Was routinely terrified though.
A year ago in Dec a homeless man whom I knew was beaten to death by 2 punks........... Yep its high stress....and they wonder why we would drink.... Sort of compounds the mess but at least you are numb...
I am in constant pain but at least im warm amd dry.... I have a DEEP empathy for the homeless.
davidp
Posted by John Pyatt on 01/09/2009 @ 05:49PM PT
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I've been out of work for 7 months now, My best friend scott has let me stay at his place til I get back on my feet. Reading this makes me realize just how blessed I am to have a roof over my head. I feel he's a better man than me for tolerating me at his place. I feel like this could be me any day now. I at least have a car to sleep in if I need to - much safer than out on the street. Our society sucks when this can happen. I feel so frustrated. I want to work but jobs are tough to get right now. Keep the faith everyone, Change is coming. I feel that Obama has a heart, a rarity among politicians.
Posted by anton forrest on 01/09/2009 @ 06:02PM PT
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One of the problems is that the homeless are going where they can go, where the cities allow it - and that is why you see a place like Phoenix. They, unlike some other places, do allow them to stay there outside and have designated areas for them. But, this does not mean that there is enough affluence to absorb them economically.
If, all over the United States, cities were taking responsibility for people that needed help, instead of just thinking that leaving them to their own solutions, that they would figure it out - some people can't figure it out. And/or - there isn't enough to go around.....Too bad things are not more evenly divided up, we need a humanitarian society that cares........
Posted by Wendy Martin on 01/10/2009 @ 04:01AM PT
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The first night that I was homeless I was never really scared. Hell, I just took it as an extended lesson in urban camping, though, thanks to the efforts of some good friends, it never lasted for long, though I was forced to couch surf for a good year. Personally, I initially found the freedom overwhelmingly refreshing. I was free to do anything (or so I thought at the time). After a period of just trying to find a shower and some food for the day it becomes all too entrapping. When you reach that state you cannot really think much beyond where your next meal is going to come from because until it is in your belly it is at best an uncertainty. I have always been a loner and I have gone through some incredibly hard times in life, but I never quit or totally gave up. If I did, I would still be in the streets today. Unfortunately I feel as if it would really only take a few stumbles and I'd probably be back there again, but I've done everything possible to maintain a home as doing so is really key to keeping your mental state in check. Everyone needs a home base.
Posted by Zos Xavius on 01/10/2009 @ 07:20AM PT
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Thanks for this wonderful insight on homelessness. One can never truely explain the lonliness, and despair that is felt when all you have is the clothes on your back, and no place to lay your head.
I'd like to say that I am grateful that I never had to suffer a night on the city streets. Living in a rural environment, I was moved from my home into a homeless shelter fairly easily, but the emptiness I felt will be forever in my heart.
Thanks to the Housing Choice Voucher Program, I have been blessed with a gift. No more struggling month to month trying to figure out if I should pay my rent, or eat.
My only issue is that here, in my area of Maine, the Voucher program has closed their waiting list. For like over 10 years. You cannot get on the list. I find that disturbing. You have to become homeless, go into a shelter, then you'll be helped.
In an area where the median income is around $20,000 and the average rental $1100 a month. Add utilities, and what's left? $200 or so for food, clothing and transportation for a month? How can that be called living?
Posted by Jacqui Sewall on 01/11/2009 @ 05:28AM PT
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I wish I had some profound words of wisdom to express what it is I feel about your journey Mark, but I don't, all I can say is, thank you for sharing your very personal story.
Posted by T C on 01/12/2009 @ 05:37AM PT
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Thanks for sharing your story, Mark. I'm so sorry you ever had to experience this "first," which is a horrible and frightening experience for anyone!
Posted by Robin Donovan on 01/12/2009 @ 05:46AM PT
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It occurs to me to share a realization I had when I was in the shelter; Jesus was a homeless man. Think about THAT a while, then ponder an action to take...
Posted by Kathryn Schakel on 01/13/2009 @ 06:41AM PT
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"It occurs to me to share a realization I had when I was in the shelter; Jesus was a homeless man. Think about THAT a while, then ponder an action to take..."
posted by Kathryn Schakel
I’m not sure what your point is Kathryn? Jesus was never homeless by the way, he WAS a travelling rabbi, and one night he said he didn’t have a place to rest his head. The bible doesn’t say he was homeless. In addition Jesus was always exercising choice when he slept in the great outdoors, a choice not afforded genuine homeless people. Moreover, what would Jesus know about homelessness in 21 Century America?
Posted by T C on 01/13/2009 @ 12:04PM PT
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"It is very surreal because no one ever thinks they will become homeless. No one."
Really? I thought for years that I would be homeless. It was a real motivater for not being homeless.
Posted by theo theo on 01/14/2009 @ 11:40AM PT
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It is a blessing to hear others that overcame, been there. Funny I am most comfortable around people that came from where I did. In '92 as I was getting ready to run across Pineda St. Cocoa, FL. in the pouring rain; I had only a garbage bag on, no drawers even, toothless, maybe 75lbs, stunk to high heaven. This car stopped with this beautiful grey haired lady and a couple of friends from prison days, she told me "honey I love you, please come home with me". I ran, thinking this person crazy and I was entering a nightmare, I knew how I appeared and what my history was, who I was. But months later in jail, some folks told me about this same woman and how she would help anyone, even get them out of jail. I called, she was so happy saying she knew I would and had been waiting. It had nothing to do with me it was all about her and the Lord, doing what he has called us all to do. She saw who I was as a child of God and gave me opportunity to learn to love myself and others with the love so eloquently versed in scripture. She had founded a ministry, now gone, as she aged and was unable to be the lead. It makes me sad thinking of those that won't have the advantage of that pure, true love she lavished on all. As a street person the worst place to get the law called was a church, any church, they just wanted us arrested and away from their community. When Gods people were so against us what hope could there be? Walking the streets near stop signs one could watch the people in their cars slam the lock down and cringe looking at us. But this Lady had His Love for us, His children just as we were and had faith that He would change us and he did. She personified His Love until we came to know it for ourselves, she provided a place where God could work in us. I didn't change or get it overnight but seeing His living Love kept me until I got it. I even stole this ladys' car, when she found me, all she wanted was for me to come back home with her. I struggled and grew over the next few years, Hes still not through with me yet. In the mean time she was there until I didn't need her to be everything and learned faith in God, and it became personal, was able to walk with Him. Up until the last couple of years served in prison, aids, homeless, and addiction ministries. My health has been poor. Will be having surgery in Feb and have high hopes after that I will be able to get back about my Fathers business. Find a place where I can fit again. I am beyond blessed that I have not yet gone back to homelessness considering my health and being unable to work. I am not so educated, nor eloquent so please forgive my lack in grammar etc..Thank you to all and Mark that wrote here inspiring others to comment as often coming from where I did is isolating when others find out about it. Which is o.k., it just gets lonely sometimes. Heck though, I will tell my story in the checkout line, on the street, if I overhear a conversation or exchange that inspires me to talk and share hope, strength, the Love of God, so real.
Posted by SusanE Tisdale on 01/16/2009 @ 12:18PM PT
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Susan E,
Your story brought me to tears. Bless you for finding the courage to make it through your trials and finding true love in humanity.
If only God would send down more of his grey haired angels. Our world needs them so badly.
Mark, thank you for your story. It obviously envoked some thoughtful, heart wrenching responses. It's not every day that I am thankful for having spent an evening "stumbling" the internet. Tonight I am.
Posted by Jennifer W on 01/16/2009 @ 05:40PM PT
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ehm hello i'm milad and i'm 17 and this is my 4th week with a home
My mother basically kicked me out in october 2008 and I had been wondering the streets until christmass
I know that here in britian it's not as hard as in the US but i had nights when it was -7°C and I was on High Street Kensington begging people for money
the worst part is my familly had moved to brittian in April 08 so I didn't have any one who could help me.
when I went to social services they said they wouldn't help me because i'm from Iranian origins and i'm not in brittian for 3 years so that was it. My first night was in late automn and I had one backpack of clothes 1 jeans 2 shirts 1 hoody and a lether coat and some underwear... I had no money at all I just went from station to station where I got sleep for a half an hour before someone sent me out.. I didn't know about any shelters and when I found out it was really hard to get in to one I did find a job in london but when they found out I was homeless they wouldn't even pay me for 3 days i had worked there one night in this bus station near Kensington ( hammersmith ) this man tried to molest for some money when another man overheared and took me home his name is richard and he s a welthy man whom i'm staying with now he wants me to back to school again next year and now i'm learning english
when he saw this here he told me I should tell my story and I did
oh and my mom kicked me out because I went to a friends party and came home drunk and smelled like cigarettes
in islam she said we don't drink go and don't ever come back
Posted by Amir J on 01/16/2009 @ 06:21PM PT
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at my college every year we would have Homeless Week where students would sign up, get a can for donations (this project was for awareness and to help the Salvation Army) the rules were, you could not go back to your fdorm, you could not sleep in your dorm, unless it was in the lobby, and if the R.D. said you couldnt, then back to campus you went. Also, you could not eat unless someone brought food out from the cafeteria for you. They did go to clases and required things, but it was very eye opening for me to witness it every year.
Posted by Andrea Enke on 01/16/2009 @ 10:13PM PT
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Amir- just for coming home drunk? that sounds a little harsh. I wish things haad gone better for you. <3
Posted by Andrea Enke on 01/16/2009 @ 10:16PM PT
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I just stumbled across this one and i usually ignore the comment section and stumble on, but This is a topic that i've a bit of experience in and you covered it quite well. I've been homeless in Memphis, TN, Cleveland MS, Portland OR, Seattle WA, and New Orleans LA. Aside from N.O they were all consecutively. Riding the greyhound for a few weeks at a time is def. the way to be homeless and having a trade instead of a career helps alot(I'm a Chef but i do construction and landscaping when nessicary) In Memphis i tried to sleep in porta-potties because they lock and it's not safe for a white guy to be outdoors in the park at night. In Missisippi i stayed in a very nice community owned shelter that was absolutely free and very compassionate people. Portland was the best though, they offer so many health and housing services that it's almost a lifestyle choice to stay homeless there, even the other homeless people were very friendly and giving. Seattle offers services and shelters but the city and it's citizens are very intolerant of the homeless and i've never felt that invisible before in my life. Based on my experiences if you find yourself homeless save up for a greyhound ticket or start hitching and GO WEST. Also the 1st night homeless starts over in every city, you have to learn the ropes all over again for each environment. It's challenging but i'm definitely a better person for having been through it.
Posted by Jeremy J. on 01/16/2009 @ 11:08PM PT
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All these wonderfull stories have touched all our hearts, even in this small way a better understanding has opened up, across thousands of miles and across all ages, it is very unlikley any of us will meet, but just by sharing this, has made us all friends and placed us in each others hearts, i am not a godly person but i wish your god goes with you all, who/what ever you believe in,i will just settle for good karma, peace love and light to you all Mike.
Posted by Michael Hart on 01/17/2009 @ 01:55AM PT
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I stumbled upon this site. Very reflective writing which brings back my memory of the first night homeless with my oldest two children. I am thankful they were too young to remember and have not told them of the experience. I was young myself and did not know of any resources. The worse part seemed to be feeling like no one cared. I cried myself to sleep for nights. My children are now grown and recently I have been under circumstances that could bring me in the homeless population again.
I empathize when driving by homeless people and recall on the past. Very humbling to appreciate having shelter of my own.
There are many teenage homeless and notice my older children taking in some from time to time. Interesting how we can take for granted the gifts given to us such as a home, food, clothing, clean clothing and people who truly care.
In His Time,
Gail
Posted by G S on 01/17/2009 @ 11:37AM PT
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I live in Canada, so number one is prevention of ICY DEATH
I think I'd put 4 pairs of socks on(2 wool), shoes, then big rubber boots. Maybe wear 3 tshirts and 2 sweaters along with my bomber and snowboard jacket, couple pair of different material gloves, pair of wool pjs and a pair of jeans, stocking cap, scarf.
As far as shelter goes - anywheres close to a heating vent, so I can trap the heat with a blanket or 5. Maybe Tim Hortons or at least close to one so I could do daily raids on the garbage as they put all the stale donuts and chili and soup and coffee grinds in the same bags, definately be able to find some goodies in there, along with cardboard boxes to make layer upon layer of cardboard to maybe make a wall to deflect cold-winds, also that could be pretty portable so I could fold it up and hide it as I go on my bum adventures or take it with me somewhere else thats warmer.
Posted by Josh Teasdale on 01/17/2009 @ 03:26PM PT
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It's not good to wear so many clothes. Your body sweats and the sweat makes you twice as cold. If you ever do travel remember to NOT WEAR A COAT in your sleeping bag.. just a light shirt, a hat, longjohns maybe mittens [not gloves] and make sure you loosen up your boots so your body heat can radiate. Seriously strip down when you go to sleep in a sleeping bag, sweat is your worst enemy. And cotton. Don't wear cotton. It absorbs moisture and makes you cold.
Posted by ? ? on 01/27/2009 @ 01:14PM PT
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That must have been very hard to endure.
My ex husband has been homeless now for 8 months and I feel so bad for him. He has been sleeping in his car. In Los Angeles.
The one night he was able to spend the night at someones house, his car was broken into and ALL his clothes, papers and everything he owned was stolen.
I moved to Iowa from Los Angeles a little over a year ago, and now I have talked him into moving here as well. Have him setup with a job and a home.
He became homeless because he lost 2 jobs in a row due to lay offs.
Posted by terri mitchell on 01/18/2009 @ 01:06AM PT
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i'm glad to see this posted. I have been there myself. On and off, I was homeless for about 2 years. It is truly scary and nerve-wracking. The feelings of utter hopelessness are overwhelming at times. I am now 22 and have been continually improving my life for the last 4 years--i moved in with my grandparents, i'm in college, i held a steady part-time job in retail for 3 years until i found a better-paying full-time job working as state-licensed, contraced security, got myself a car and all that. Beyond that I tried getting myself back on my feet and my experiences just go to show it's almost impossible to rise above the situation once you're plunged into it. I have to give you a huge thumbs-up for being able to pull yourself out of it. Thanks again for this posting.
Posted by renee witgenstein on 01/18/2009 @ 10:33PM PT
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"I have to give you a huge thumbs-up for being able to pull yourself out of it." (Renee Witgenstein)
A huge thumbs up to you too Renee, and to all the people here who have been posting there stories. Thank ya'all!
Posted by T C on 01/19/2009 @ 08:21AM PT
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I was homeless for over 2 months but it was actually by choice. I was sick of money, sick of being where i was and sick of doing the same thing. So i jumped on a plane and went to Oregon. I had $100 in my pocket and that went in a few days. And the one thing that was the scariest was the uncertainty. The uncertainty of everything that you take for granted everyday. But there was a strange feeling that would come over you everyday you woke up. You would respect and appreciate that first waking breath of the day. You see life as a survivor, and each day is its own adventure. I wasnt just homeless, i traveled around the west coast also. It makes it a bit easier on you. Atleast your seeing more than the average person for free. But being homeless sucks in the sense of no tv, bed, food, water, or roof. But after it all, you change a bit. You see things differently and you begin to have more compation for your fellow man. Even if he is a 70 year old black man with a beard that would put greazly adams to shame. Or a middle aged man named mark from texas who is just looking for a better life. But most people dont know these people because they turn the other cheek when they ask for change. And people, do you really need all that change?
Posted by nick v on 01/20/2009 @ 12:14PM PT
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It's wonderful that you've written this. In my early twenties I was homeless for a few months. Luckily I owned a car, although that was about it. I would drive to a different spot each night and curl up in my back seat, double checking the locks every few hours.
Posted by Nikki L on 01/20/2009 @ 08:26PM PT
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I am about to be in that situation. I am bipolar, lost my job, my housing. I am sleeping on someones couch (only been here less then a month) and she feels i have been here long enough and that i should have found housing and a job by now..so the 9th of feb im out. At least i have my car still. I am trying to talk myself into saything this is all ok..its all going to be ok...i keep repeating that to myself...but really what i feel is everythign ever going to be ok again. time will tell i guess..I am glad you found your way out...good luck to you and your future endevors
Posted by Jennifer F on 01/20/2009 @ 10:58PM PT
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Jennifer I sent you my e-mail and will be your friend as long as communication is available and I am up to it , and you may want. Please at all costs stay on your medication first. There are safe designated places folks can park, I would check with either local police or sheriffs. One must be willing to do whatever it takes and sometimes in places like shelters we have to do things their way. This will only be temporary in your life. I've no idea where you are or your age. Be careful, do your best to stay warm. If it was humanly possible I would take you in, I was evicted from a few different places as when I first got on my feet I used to feel as though every person that came in my path I should take in. My heart hurts that I can't do that now. I'll be going in hospital soon but will be in contact again as am able. Please feel free to write, you are going to make it, but it will take everything in you to focus and do what it takes to get through. I am in your corner whether what ever you believe God, Karma anything keep faith alive. Susan
Posted by SusanE Tisdale on 01/21/2009 @ 08:24AM PT
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OK I only say this out of the fact that I have been homeless for almost 6 years. I have now been tasteing the life of home living. And what I have noticed is that living on the streets seems so much easier....maybeit is cause i have been living that life style for so long. But as I know it most ppl don't mind givin up that lil bit after awhile. It maybe rough at first but you get over it. ,Just as if you were to have a morgage or anything else. You get over the fact that you have to pay it monthly......,Its always scary whenever you jump into something. Especially when you are thrown into it. But if you thin k about it there isn't anything that you are thrown into. This economy may be goin to shit....but did you not see it coming? If not then I guess boo hoo to you not payin attention to history class., the depression always comes with a war.....It may be because I am a military brat that I know this, but what is to be expected. I will put money on it that in the next 20 years we will be stronger than ever. But homelessness will always be around. and guess what it is a great profession that will exsist till the end of time. Just think of it as another learning tool under the belt....
Posted by D R on 02/12/2009 @ 01:09AM PT
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when i slept under a bridge in rural pennsylvania i tried to be invisible...
but i got noticed by the guys staying in a cheap motel near where i had stashed my stuff behind a dumpster. one of the guys solicited me for sex, saying i could get money from him if i slept with him
as a woman, i don't know how any woman can survive on the streets without being solicited nightly, or worse......i think that women must try to disguise themselves as men in order to avoid that....
i saw a movie called 'children underground' about these little romanian kids who lived in the streets and the subways....all the girls looked just like boys, there was no way you could tell they were girls....
I think they just adapted, knowing what they faced if boys or men realized they were girls....
Posted by symmetry s on 03/23/2009 @ 12:30AM PT
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All these stories have really struck me. I have been teetering on the edge of being homeless for a few months. I've never had to spend a night on the streets, but I know how scary sleeping with the shelter of only a car can be. I thank you all.
Posted by Joanna F on 05/03/2009 @ 10:41PM PT
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Thinking about being homeless even for a night is very scary for me. Although, there was a time when i was out alone in my town at about one a.m. and I saw several of my friends out. This made me think, if I were homeless for a night in my town, I could easily find one of my friends and they would stay out with me. I know most homeless people don't have this privlidge which saddens me and I feel so bad for homeless people. But not beggers.
Posted by Thomas Busch on 06/18/2009 @ 11:19PM PT
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What a wonderful peace and great comments. My first night homeless was a terrorizing experience too. I arrived at the emergency severe women shelter and was soaking wet and freezing. It was around midgnight. Before I knew it, it was time to get up (5 30 am) and leave..I went into an office building with a starbucks to wait until the women s day shelter open. A construction worker must have seen the pain on my face because he bought me a cup of coffee and told me he d pray for me. I will never forget this act of kindness. Tent City 3 saved my life and my sanity (I was horribly depressed). I think that isolation is the main killer for homeless folks and being part of a safe community is very important. Once again thanks for the article and the comments..you guys got me looking back :)
Posted by Ibu Oni Ibu Oni on 07/14/2009 @ 08:03AM PT
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Thank you for your bravery in sharing this story with others. The least I can do is pass it on to others in hope that others will not be so quick into assuming that "Homeless people put themselves in such situations." Obviously, that is not the case but many people still have this common misconception.
Posted by Sophie Tran on 07/22/2009 @ 08:32PM PT
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Mark: I can identify with that disillusionment the first time one is alone in the world and nowhere to go.
Likewise, fear of the unknown strikes into your soul.
All you've got is me, myself and I.
Then, sooner or later, one prays to God that somehow things will get better.
One of my most fearsome experiences occurred when I slept outside without a blanket just a coat and the temperature dipped into the teens.
The next day someone at a poker tournament befriended me and took me to his home to stay. It was very isolated and about two months later I ended right back where I started.
Eventually I moved to Fayetteville which is more acclimated to finding friends in similar situations.
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Posted by David Lanier on 08/07/2009 @ 09:21AM PT
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Thank you Mark for your story. I don't remember my first homeless night because there have been many. But I know the feelings. I bring people to my home when I find them on the streets. Yes a dangerous situation and I have been stolen from because of it. Nothing major. But you know, I will never stop feeling that sense of relief that I could get one person off the street for one night. Maybe in the future they will remember kindness and change their ways. I can't help but cry as I think of how this country with all the money that we have, and alot goes out to other countries; and yet our own people have to suffer. Your story about the sprinkler made me laugh; that is just how my life always turns out. Just when you think you've got it, all haywire breaks loose. But on the other hand God comes to wake us up in his mysterious ways.
Posted by Janice Bennett on 08/11/2009 @ 11:26AM PT
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